


Tony's Isle

by AnonEhouse



Category: Iron Man (Comic), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-20
Updated: 2012-03-20
Packaged: 2017-11-02 06:02:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/365733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonEhouse/pseuds/AnonEhouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes test flights have unexpected results.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tony's Isle

(If you are reading this on any PAY site this is a STOLEN WORK, the author has NOT Given Permission for it to be here. If you're paying to read it, you're being cheated too because you can read it on Archiveofourown for FREE.)

"Hmm, the weather's started getting rough, Jarvis." Tony eyed the information flowing over the HUD. 

"Indeed. Perhaps it is time you return before Captain America puts your photograph on milk cartons."

"Please! The test run hasn't been that long. And it had better be nothing less than Chivas Regal bottles. Maybe I can climb over the weather."

"It has been three hours, sir. Considering the structure of this tropical cyclonic storm, I doubt the feasibility of your proposed plan."

"A hurricane? Jarvis, you're supposed to warn me about these things!" Green lightning flashed, and Tony got sucked downward about ten thousand feet in seconds. He hoped his stomach would catch up with him eventually.

"There was little previous intimation of such, sir. Unless you count the appearance of angry demigods armed with magical hammers."

"Shit. And I thought Thor could take a joke." Green lightning danced along Tony's armor. It clashed horribly. 

"Apparently not, sir." Jarvis fizzled and the HUD went dead. Tony began flying pretty much the way a thrown foil-wrapped Easter bunny does.

"NOOOOOoooooOOO!"

***

Tony lay, arms and legs starfished out, on a very lumpy bed of sand, listening to crabs walking over his armor and investigating the cracks. "Not funny, THOR!" he shouted. The emergency detach system finally kicked in and he emerged from his armor like a broiled lobster. The sky was clearing with suspicious rapidity. Tony looked down at his armor. "Well, I can fix that..."

A lone bolt of lightning arced from the clear sky, and _paused_. Tony leapt away. "NO, no, no, really, I'm sorry!" ZZZAP. Tony looked at the smoking, fused remnant of his suit and sighed. "Fine. I've still got my Dubai First Royale Master Card." Tony's not sure that's accepted everywhere, but on principle he'd cut up his J.P. Morgan Palladium. Carrying it around made him itch. "I'll BUY my way home!"

An hour's walk proved that not only was he on a very small tropical atoll, but it was a totally deserted tropical atoll. Tony looked around for assets. He made tech in a CAVE! After further investigation the sad lack of caves, convenient piles of cannibalizable weapons, and Radio Shack outlets was apparent. Tony went back to the beach and kicked his suit. "OW!" He hopped on one foot. "I AM NOT MAKING TECH OUT OF COCONUT SHELLS!"

***

Tony looked up when it dimly occurred to him that the noise in his ears wasn't his usual fermented coconut milk buzz. He picked up Dummy Two, the hermit crab, and put it on his shoulder while he wandered out of his palm frond mansion to see what was going on. He patted the pair of coconuts set in the wall on his way out. "See you later, Marilyn."

"Huh." A really big helicopter with a cargo net was sitting on his beach. He had another slug of jungle juice, scratched at his beard, and wondered if he ought to do something about it. There were people getting out of the helicopter. One of them... oh, yeah, one of them was a woman. He beamed. He remembered women. Oh, yes, WOMEN. Women are very nice. "HELLLOOO!" He spread his arms in welcome, tossing the empty coconut shell to one side. Dummy Two clung to his beard.

"Hello, Tony." The woman walked up to him, slowly. Well, her heels kept getting stuck in the sand. "Sign this." She handed him a pen and a paper stuck on a clipboard.

Tony wavered, saw the 'X' and signed, then he stuck the pen in his hair along with all the other sticks. "Can we have sex now?"

"That was your income tax, Tony." She patted him on the shoulder. "You smell like a goat."

Tony frowned. "Is that a no?"

"It's a no, Tony."

Tony sighed. "Fine, I'll go back to Marilyn." He turned and saw the other occupant of the helicopter piling the bits of his armor into the cargo net. "Oh, hey, no, I was gonna fix that!"

"Get in the helicopter, Tony." The woman pulled Dummy Two off his beard and dropped it in the sand.

"Yes, mom," Tony said and began walking in the general direction of the helicopter, with the woman prodding him whenever he veered off course. "HEY! I know you, you're Pepper! And... that's Rhodey!" Tony waved his arms and fell over into the sand. After a moment he refocused and aimed at the man again. "I knew you would come for me! You've been searching and searching for me for three months, haven't you! That's heartwarming."

The man finished dumping the last piece of metal into the cargo net and came over to pull Tony out of the sand and over his shoulder. "No, actually, Tony, we only started today."

"Huh." Tony looked down at Rhodey's ass. "Hey, Rhodey, could we have sex now?"

"No, Tony. Not now, not tomorrow, not ever."

"Oh, well..." Tony slumped as Rhodey dumped him into a seat and baby-strapped him in, with the latches where he couldn't reach them. "Hey, um. How..." He wriggled his eyebrows since his arms were trapped. "Why... where? Um..."

Pepper got in and sealed the door as Rhodey went up front to the controls. "I had you microchipped with a biosensor, GPS, and lo-jack. We knew where you were, and that you were all right. Jarvis suggested a back-to-nature holiday would be good for you. And it certainly was good for us." Pepper put the signed papers away in a briefcase and began taking notes on her computer.

"Um, ok, fair enough. But, Pepper... that much tech... you'd need a fairly large muscle to implant..." Tony looked at Pepper. She was smiling reminiscently.

**Author's Note:**

> I ran into a blank space for ideas for the next (Tony is 10) Tiny Tony story, so I took a nap, hoping my subconscious would help. I was more tired than I thought, and slept for three hours.
> 
> And woke up thinking part of the theme song from Gilligan's Isle... 'a three-hour tour'. The rest just... was inevitable.


End file.
